DJ Dan Update

Possible Spoilers

A minor update to the Lost Experience webmaze; the latest ‘podcast’ for DJ Dan came out on 6/8/06. It is now on the Monster.com site at http://podcast.monster.com/articles/conspiraspy.

Highlights of note:

  • Dan is paranoid about Darwinian evolution, and thinks genetic engineering is a threat to us all, and that scientists like those from Hanso are out to get us with “bar code tattoos”. “It’s all a lie. You know what happens when you start shuffling your genes around? No. Nobody does. But I’ve seen those steroid cases, guys whose growth plates have turned back on, they’re Neanderthals. There are consequences to our actions, people. Don’t you see? They want us all to look the same. To be ashamed of who we are and where we’re from. Because once they’ve done that to us, once they’ve let us give away our individuality, they’re gonna swoop down from the sky and take over without a fight.”
  • “Richard from Alexandria” was the caller who contributed the photo of the tattooed DHARMA shark on his site, and made “Conspiraspy of the Month”.
  • Dan gets a threatening caller, who doesn’t like him taking shots at Hanso Foundation. The caller appears to know where he works, where he lives, what his license plate number is, and where his wife is. Dan appears unflustered and continues to rant against The Man.

    I will include the full transcript of this podcast in the comments section for those who would like to read it. Next update will be expected Monday, June 12 (a few days ahead of the usual Thurs schedule).

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    One Response to DJ Dan Update

    1. Cecilia says:

      The transcript, courtesy of WayOffCourse of LOST-TV (thank you!!):

      Transcript of DJ Dan podcast 6.08.06

      Announcer
      Coming to you live, from the part of you that refuses to lie down
      *DJ Dan singers*
      You’re listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man

      D – No, no, no, no Tonya. Darwinian evolution is a lie. Intelligent design is a bigger lie to make evolution look like less of a lie. I’m sick of it and I’m shutting it down. Sam from Cleveland—Go!

      S – Uh Hi, DJ Dan. I’m a fan, but are you saying evolution is fake? Like birds don’t come from dinosaurs?

      D – No, I’m saying there’s more to it than that. That the mega-science corporations, they want us to believe that the unnatural work they’re doing, their genetic engineering is just part of Ma Nature’s master plan. Take the Hanso Foundation. If you’re a loyal listener, Sam you know I have issues with this bunch of crazy monkeys. Now I’m aware some of the stuff we talk about on this show is a little fuzzy around the edges. But the Hanso Foundation, these guys are as real a threat as we’ve seen. I’ve been saying it for years, but now, the hacker Persephone, she’s serving us all up a batch of proof puddin’. The Hanso Foundation, you’ve seen their ads. They’re bringing us a better future, science is gonna save the world, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… And I say don’t believe it.

      S – Oh. Why not?

      D – Why not, Definitely not because company founder Alvar Hanso, an arms dealer with ties to the original atom bomb, refuses to reveal any of the true details about his programs. Oh, definitely not because their letch spokesman Hugh McIntyre refuses to say one word about their human rights violations. No. Because every day we become more and more advanced, even closer to the end, the Hanso Foundation perverts say they’re gonna prevent. And genetic engineering, you know what that is? Changing our babies’ DNA to give them blue eyes instead of brown or to give them the know-how to juggle flaming bowling pins in the cradle. It’s all a lie. You know what happens when you start shuffling your genes around? No. Nobody does. But I’ve seen those steroid cases, guys whose growth plates have turned back on, they’re Neanderthals. There are consequences to our actions, people. Don’t you see? They want us all to look the same. To be ashamed of who we are and where we’re from. Because once they’ve done that to us, once they’ve let us give away our individuality, they’re gonna swoop down from the sky and take over without a fight. Yeah, we got Lou from Chicago. Deep dish Louie, convince me otherwise. C’mon.

      L – Hey Dan. I think you’re overreacting. I mean, look, I have a birth mark or two. One looks like a potato, the other looks like Italy.

      D – The boot or Sardinia?

      L – Actually, Tuscany. But I’ve always wished they could be more like tattoos. Couldn’t we play with the DNA and give our kids cool birthmarks?

      D – So what are you talking about, like a family crest, a cute little bird, how about a barcode so we can keep track, huh? Is that what you want?

      L – Yeah.

      D – Well, congrats, Louie. You just made my top three DUMBEST THINGS I EVER HEARD. SHUTDOWN. Who’s next?

      R – Richard, from Alexandria, Virginia.

      D – Tricky Dick from Alexandria

      R – Listen, Dan. I kinda heard what your last caller said about the tattoos, and I think people are already doin that, but with animals.

      D – Uh, what do you mean, Dick?

      R – I mean I was divin off the Great Barrier Reef last year, and we cam upon this shark, right? It’s reefed, thing is toast and on its tail is like a, well not a tattoo, it’s like a black octagon with some word on it that starts with a “D”. Thing’s pretty rotted away.

      D – Dick. Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick. Tell me you got pictures of that shark.

      R – Of course. I can send em right over.

      D – You know what I think, Dick? I think you’re conspiraspy of the month.
      We gotta take a break. More with Dick and….

      T – Wait a minute, Dan.

      D – What?

      T – I’ve got a caller here. Says he has to talk to you right now.

      D – Really? Well what are you waiting for Tonya? Put him back on. C’mon. Caller you’re shuttin down the man.

      Caller – You’re going to want to be more careful, Dan.

      D – Uh, okay, and who am I speaking with?

      Caller – You think you can just keep taking shots at the Hanso Foundation with no fear of retaliation?

      D – Uh, once again, who are you and why are you calling me?

      Caller – You think you’re safe to smear good people because you broadcast from different locations? Just like the second floor motel room you’re in right now off of the 5 freeway. Driving your green Jeep Compass, license plate (muffled by Dan)

      D – Hey, hey, hey easy there little troll. Hey, what’s this about?

      Caller – It’s about your fragile life.

      D – Oh my god, c’mon

      Caller – How easily it can be exposed, the way you claim to expose others.

      D – Okay, that’s enough. That’s enough

      Caller – How easily your address

      D – Okay, That’s enough

      Caller – And your real name.

      D – Hey. Hey I’m not gonna

      Caller – And where you really work. And your wife’s

      D – THAT’S ENOUGH! Hey! You one of their goons? Is that what this is about? Well you can tell your boss I ain’t backing down. This is not the first threatening call I’ve gotten, buddy, not by a long shot. My real name is DJ Dan, my real location is inside your web of lies and my job is shutting you down.

      Caller – Dan, you’ve been warned

      D – Wow. Did you hear that Tonya? I guess we’ve been warned. Well, that was special. (Cue music) If you didn’t think there was proof before, there you have it folks. DJ Dan, I guess I better name a successor

      Announcer
      You’re listening to DJ Dan, shutting down the man.
      *insert ad here*

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